Did a traumatic experience ruin the meaning of a friend for me?
In the the second grade, I lost my first best friend. He didn’t die or anything, I just found out he had other friends. They hung out together after school and on weekends; I never got invited. Granted, I lived half an hour away from the town I went to school in, so I guess it would’ve been burdensome for my parents to drive me all the way out just to hang out with friends for a few hours.
This was my first heartbreak.
I still don’t know what a true friend is because I put that word on such a high pedestal. I can’t trust people. I learned that friends aren’t really like the ones you see on tv. This over exaggeration of tight knit, close bonding ruined the meaning of friends for me.
I don’t think I have friends.
People I talk to.
Everyone else in my family has friends. Like true friends. And it makes me jealous. I wonder why I don’t have friends like them. I wonder if I’m the problem. My selfishness, my ego, my stubbornness, my lack of openness causes this lack of “friends.”
My sister is still friends with people she met in high school, college, even elementary school. Her maid of honor is her best friend of over twenty years.
Where’s my long-term friend?…. Oh yeah, I lost him I second grade.
I can’t trust people.
I’m still talk to some of the people I met in high school. We’ve been cool for almost eight years now. But do I consider them my friend? I’m their friend apparently, but I don’t feel like one.
I feel like the word friend, the construct of the friend just gets thrown around.
I think I value its meaning too much. I look too into it. I look at everyone else in my family and see how close they are with their friends—it makes jealous.
I didn’t really value the people I talked to growing up, but overvalued my family.
“Friends come and go” I said “But family is always there.”
The biggest lie.
Unfortunately, family isn’t always there for you. Your cousins aren’t always there for you. Your parents aren’t always there for you. Your sister isn’t always there for you.
You need friends, but I don’t know if I have any—I think I’m the problem.